


Into your arms

by amaryllis (Lilly0)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Caring, Caring Tony Stark, Comfort, Depressed Steve Rogers, Friendship/Love, Healthy Relationships, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark helps, Tony Stark is strong, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 03:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16009250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/amaryllis
Summary: Sometimes when he feels lonely, it helps to wear Tony's old sweater. Steve doesn't quite understand the inner demons he is battling, but having Tony around is the only thing that puts him at ease.





	Into your arms

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to switch things up for once...and... in this one Steve is the one with issues, and Tony does the comforting. :-) 
> 
> Also I wrote this for the Cap-Iron Man bingo, prompt: hurt/comfort

Sometimes when he is alone, spends time on his own, with no one else around, it helps to wear Tony's sweater. It's an old sweater, one which Tony hardly wears anymore, grey and slightly too big for Tony.  
  
Steve has saved the item from being disposed and hid it somewhere safe.  
  
It smells like Tony.  
  
~~~  
  
It's raining. Steve doesn't really mind the rain, normally, but today it's different. He is different. All day long, from the moment he got up, he felt exhausted although he has slept for 10 hours straight. It's not the normal kind of tiredness. It's deeper, reaches every fibre of his body, every bone and muscle. Even his brain feels tired.  
  
He has tried to push himself a bit into doing something. Anything. Just do something. But then he has found himself just sitting on the sofa and staring. Three hours pass like nothing.  
  
Tony is not here, he has a board meeting. Natasha hasn't been anywhere close to home for a week. And Bruce is out to buy things and then wants to meet Tony. When he and Tony are working on something, he often doesn't see them for days.  
  
He could do something too. But he is too tired to even think of something.  
  
~~~  
  
"How was your day?" Tony takes off his jacket and sighs happily.  
  
"Good." Steve smiles. He wonders when he has learned to smile even when he actually feels like crying. It's an instinctive reaction, it seems. Someone looks at him, he smiles, the edges of his lips tugging upwards on their own.  
  
God, he is tired.  
  
Tony looks at him for a moment before he takes his hand, his other free hand brushes through Steve's hair. "You look tired," he states, worried.  
  
"I didn't sleep well," Steve lies.  
  
Tony looks at him in worry, his fingers brushing over Steve's cheek. "Really? Do you want me to leave you alone a bit so that you can rest?"  
  
That's actually the last thing Steve wants. "No," he blurts out, blushing when Tony blinks at him. "I mean... I'm just so happy to see you, I don't want you to leave me alone now." That's finally... not a lie. Probably the first honest words in his conversation with Tony tonight.  
  
Now it's Tony's turn to blush slightly. "God," he grumbles. "Why the heck did you just have to turn me into a 15-year-old blushing teenage boy again?"  
  
Steve chuckles. "You are cute when you pretend to be annoyed." He pauses, running a hand over Tony's back. "I want to spend time with you."  
  
Tony smirks. "So, this means, you want me to make sure you sleep well tonight?" Steve feels his heart jump in anticipation. Does this mean...? "They say evening activities are good for your sleep rhythm."  
  
"Do they?" Steve grins and tugs at Tony's hand, pulling him closer. He sits down at the edge of the bed, forcing Tony to half lean half kneel above him. Against common belief Tony is not someone who normally approaches someone so boldly. He likes to flirt, play his _games_ , before he goes into action. It's rare, and Steve appreciates the gesture so much.  
  
He looks up at Tony, smiling while he unbuttons Tony's shirt. Tony returns the smile, his hands resting on Steve's shoulder for balance.  
  
Once the buttons are open, Steve tugs at Tony's belt, removing it with deft fingers, then he grabs Tony by his hips, smirking up at him and swiftly flipping them over. Tony lands softly  on his back, Steve hovering above him.  
  
Tony's eyes seem darker now, his hands grabbing Steve by his neck and pulling him on top of him. "So?" Tony bats his eyelashes in mock-innocence. "How long are you planning for the workout to last?"  
  
Steve chuckles softly into the nape of Tony's neck.  
  
It's weird. When Tony is here, he feels better immediately. It's like he is his personal antidote to whatever it is that makes him feel off.  
  
~~~  
  
He is fine as long as Tony is close to him, he can even survive the day knowing that Tony will be back at evening. This week however Tony isn't here. For a few days. Research for a new upgrade on his and Peter's suits. A few days. A week maximum.  
  
Steve understands. Of course he is. He cannot expect Tony not to do his work, just because Steve has a... thing. Whatever it is. He can't even put a name on it yet. Besides he hasn't even told Tony about it.  
  
Why should he? It's too embarrassing.  
  
~~~  
  
Natasha visits briefly. And Steve is too tired to care. He is polite and welcoming, and talks to her, but truth is he just wants to sleep so badly.  
  
Steve thinks he will feel relieved when Natasha leaves, but once she does, he feels even more uneasy.  
  
He tries to motivate himself to do something again, anything. But when he gets a book out of the library, the air is suddenly so thick he has troubles breathing. Steve coughs violently, gasping for air. It's the dust of the books, he decides, the dust.  
  
The walls seem like they are moving towards him.  
  
Shit.  
  
He escapes. On his way out he realizes he dropped a few books. He couldn't care less. He can't bring himself to go back to this room.  
  
~~~  
  
It's pitch black outside when Steve comes back to his senses, his heart finally beating in a normal rhythm again. He drags himself to his bed. Tony has written him a message. Steve somehow manages to type a reply, only remotely registering that he finds Tony's words sweet, before he falls into a dark, restless sleep.  
  
When he wakes up the next morning he feels as bad as the night before. Maybe even worse.  
  
Steve doesn't quite believe in an allergy or the flu anymore. Something just feels off.  
  
~~~  
  
Tony's grey sweater feels warm and comfortable between his fingers. Steve nuzzles his nose into it, and it smells a bit like Tony.  
  
It's comforting.  
  
Steve does not want another night full of dark, restless sleep or nightmares, hence he takes two sleeping pills. Hopefully they will make him rest a bit.  
  
It feel like he sleeps for days, but a look at his watch and into his calendar tells him it's only three days that he is without Tony. He puts on Tony's sweater again, makes himself a cup of coffee and goes to the living room. One of the living rooms, the one he and Tony like the most.  
  
At least the sofa feels comfortable, more so than his bed.  
  
~~~  
  
When he wakes up again, it's still day. And it smells like fresh coffee. Steve's heart jumps in careful hope and anticipation.  
  
"Grey is really not your colour. Washes you out, you know?"  
  
Steve turns around, the careful jumping of his heart turning into something that's closer to racing.  
  
Tony points at the sweater Steve is still wearing.  
  
"Ah, this," Steve wonders what he should say now, which excuse to tell Tony, but he feels too drained to lie. "I like it."  
  
"That old thing?" Tony blinks.  
  
"It reminds me of you."  
  
Tony raises his eyebrows. "You mean because it's old and grey?" he teases.  
  
Steve chuckles. "You are far from old and grey. I meant-" His throat feels dry all of a sudden. "It smells like you, feels like you."  
  
"Steve." Tony puts a cup with fresh hot coffee in front of Steve on the couch table. He looks unusually serious. "When did you plan on telling me that you are not feeling well?"  
  
Steve looks up in surprise. "I'm just tired recently, Tony, nothing major."  
  
"I called you," Tony says, in a light, cheerful voice, which can only be fake.  
  
"Really?" Steve blinks. "When?"  
  
"Yesterday," Tony skims through his phone. "Around seven times. Today five times. You might want to check your messages too."  
  
Steve blushes slightly. He is sure, he checked his phone. Did he really not notice? A glimpse on his phone tells him that Tony is indeed right. How could he have missed all of these calls and messages? Didn't he check his messages yesterday... or was it two days ago?  
  
"Maybe I had my phone on mute, you know how I am with new technology," Steve muses. "And I'm really tired, you know?"  
  
"You said that before," Tony wrinkles his nose.  
  
"I'm okay, Tony," Steve replies, more impatient now and with more force than he intended.  
  
"No you are not. You are not okay, Steve," Tony looks at him insistently. "Believe me, I know the signs when I see them."  
  
"Just because your mind is messed up, doesn't mean mine has to be too." He has barely finished his sentence and already feels his guilt stabbing him.  
  
Tony puts his own cup down with more force than usual. "Okay, you know what? I'm going to my lab. Tell me when my actual friend and partner Steve is back home."  
  
Steve catches his wrist before he can leave. "Please, don't go, Tony."  
  
There must have been something in his voice because Tony halts indeed. Unusual for him.  
  
Steve looks down at their hands. "I'm sorry. What I said was awful. I didn't mean it. You are not messed up."  
  
"So, does that mean you are going to stop being a jerkhead?" Tony asks.  
  
"You mean asshead?"  
  
"You don't like it when I curse too much. Trying to be considerate here," Tony smiles slightly. He comes closer again and Steve wraps his arms around Tony's waist, burying his head in his stomach. He smells nice, like home.  
  
"I _am_ messed up, Steve," Tony says all of a sudden. "But unlike you I don't see anything embarrassing about it... not anymore. Though at the beginning I did. So... I can understand."  
  
"I'm Captain America," Steve mumbles tiredly. "I'm not supposed to be like this."  
  
"And I'm Iron Man. And yet I am like this. Look at Bruce. And Bucky. When you fight so many wars, kill and almost get killed, of course it will affect you." He feels Tony's fingers brushing through his hair, massaging his scalp. "Mental illnesses don't come knocking at your door. You can't just tell them to leave. I mean, I know you hate uninvited guests, but you will have to deal with that one."  
  
Steve chuckles. "Yeah, tell them to leave."  
  
"What about an unannounced guest who come back from work earlier than announced?" Tony asks, taking Steve's face between his hands and making him look up at him.  
  
"Guests like that are very welcomed." Steve smiles warmly. "Especially when they are handsome, smart men."  
  
"Are you really that easy?" Tony teases.  
  
"Apparently I am," Steve jokes. Having Tony back in his arms makes him feel better instantly.  
  
~~~  
  
"You know, I don't mind being your punching bag or outlet, especially because you are so awesome in bed." Tony shifts a bit and Steve moves his arm so that he lies more comfortably. They need a bigger couch. "But-"  
  
"Thank you, you are great in bed too," Steve mumbles against Tony's neck.  
  
"What?" To Steve's surprise Tony looks at him, slightly shocked...and embarrassed. "Why are you saying something so cheesy?"  
  
"You said it too."  
  
"Yeah, but I was clearly trying to choose my words as a preparation for what to say next!"  
  
Steve tries to hide his amusement. "So you don't think I'm good in bed?"  
  
"Of course you are."  
  
"You too."  
  
Tony turns around in his embrace, eyes narrowed. "Are you making fun of me? Because if you are, then I'll very dramatically leave now."  
  
Steve chuckles. "Who would have thought that out of all you would be embarrassed of compliments about your athletic abilities in-"  
  
Tony covers his mouth. "One more word and you can fuck yourself for the time being."  
  
Steve smiles against Tony's palm, grabbing it and placing a kiss against it. "Okay," he says softly. "I know, Tony, I know what you want to say." He pauses. "I will."  
  
"You don't need to be scared, Steve. I promise."  
  
"I'm not," Steve argues weakly.  
  
"Yes you are," Tony shows him one of his rare honest and open smiles. The ones he doesn't mask with sarcasm or anything else. "But it's okay to deny it. It really is." He pauses, resting his head against Steve's chest. "You don't need to try so hard to be strong, not for me, you know? Because I know damn well how strong and awesome you are."  
  
Steve hugs Tony closer, burying his head in Tony's neck. He feels a well-known lump in his throat when he hears Tony's words.  
  
"You don't need to prove anything to me," Tony says softly.  
  
~~~  
  
The good thing is he doesn't need to hide it anymore, at least not in front of Tony. It makes things so much easier and less stressful, when he can just be... honest. Also he doesn't need to hide the fact that he likes to wear Tony's old sweater. Honestly, he thinks Tony actually likes that. He looked so adorably smug about it.  
  
"So how was it?" Tony never beats around the bush and Steve honestly appreciates that.  
  
"Your Dr. Lewis-" Steve squeezes the phone between his shoulder and ear while unpacking the food he bought on his way home. "-is a jerk."  
  
"Of course he is." He can almost hear the grin in Tony's voice. "He is a therapist. All therapists are narcissistic assholes. It's part of the job description."  
  
Steve chuckles softly. He tries to do more things now, and not ignore all the stuff that's bothering him. Right at the beginning Tony told him he shouldn't plan too many things - of course he didn't listen first, planning lots of things to do, just to realize... he can't... and then he went into a new round of self-guilt and feeling useless, his favourite game. To his surprise Tony wasn't mad at him, not angry, nothing, he was just there, and understood.  
  
People should give him more credit for his kindness, Steve thinks.  
  
"I'll be going on a mission today," Steve explains. "Will you be home tomorrow?"  
  
"Yeah." Tony's voice sounds happy. "Bruce and I are wrapping up our newest research tomorrow. I can't wait to show you! I'll be home late though."  
  
Steve leans against the counter, a smirk curling around his lips. "So... how about tomorrow... you'll prove once again how flexible you are?"  
  
"Oh you..." Tony hangs up on him.  
  
Ten minutes later though he receives a message _Just don't get hurt or there will be no activities of any kind_ , and an image attached to it.  
  
It's Tony in a bathtub. Head bent backwards a bit, revealing a wet exposed neck.  
  
He is good at that, Steve thinks, like really good. He smirks, he is good too. _Just start stretching early enough~_  
  
_Uh, someone is feeling ambitious. It's not going to be an empty promise, is it?_  
  
_I have no intention to let you down... literally. ;-)_  
  
Tony answers with a grinning emoticon. A while later a new message arrives, completely unrelated to their stupid banter. It makes Steve's heartbeat, a smile curling around his lips.  
  
_I'm so proud of you, Steve. I'm so lucky that I am with a guy like you._  
  
I'm also lucky to be with you, Steve thinks. He smiles and decides to tell it Tony in person.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I just broke my own pattern XD Normally I like to write Tony as the hurt one, but I decided to switch things up for once. I think with everything Steve experienced (and all the years he missed, just to wake up to a new century, and almost everyone he knew dead) it's inevitable that he feels lost sometimes. And he needs a big hug too. <3
> 
> So...what do you think? As always comments and feedback are loved ♥


End file.
